Don't you just hate it when...

Don't you just hate it when you start to talk

And someone or other interrupts?

It can be frustrating, annoying as well

As the chat ends so abrupt!

You can be telling the person 

About your fine day or

About the flowers you grew;

But someone will jump in and

Say something different

Before your sentence is through!

Don't you just hate it when you start to watch

A programme on your TV screen

And someone or other changes the channel

It's enough to make you scream!

You can be watching a scene 

Which you find so exciting or 

Crying at an item of news;

But when the channel is changed

For something inane

It leaves you feeling not amused!

© Carolyn Davison
21st December 2012 

The 12 Days (plus one) at Eton

On my first day at Eton mummy sent to me

A spanking new brolly

On my second day at Eton mummy sent to me

2 approved mouth guards

and 

a spanking new brolly

On my third day at Eton mummy sent to me

3 pairs of hangers

2 approved mouth guards

and 

a spanking new brolly

On my fourth day at Eton mummy sent to me

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hangers

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my fifth day at Eton mummy sent to me

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my sixth day at Eton mummy sent to me

6 handkerchiefs

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my seventh day at Eton mummy sent to me

7 white school collars

6 handkerchiefs

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my eighth day at Eton mummy sent to me

8 pairs of undies

7 white school collars

6 handkerchiefs

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my ninth day at Eton mummy sent to me

9 collar studs

8 pairs of undies

7 white school collars

6 handkerchiefs

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my tenth day at Eton mummy sent to me

10 swimming towels

9 collar studs

8 pairs of undies

7 white school collars

6 handkerchiefs

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my eleventh day at Eton mummy sent to me

11 personal items

10 swimming towels

9 collar studs

8 pairs of undies

7 white school collars

6 handkerchiefs

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my twelth day at Eton mummy sent to me

12 pairs of grey socks 

11 personal items

10 swimming towels

9 collar studs

8 pairs of undies

7 white school collars

6 handkerchiefs

5 gold cuff links

4 swimming trunks

3 pairs of hanger

2 approved mouth guards

and

a spanking new brolly

On my thirteenth day at Eton  the bank manager phoned mummy

and said:

Are you sure you can afford the fees? (£64,134 per year)

© Carolyn Davison
11th December 2012 

I'm good - Really?

I'm so good

I'll go to heaven.

Without God's

Eternal Son

Look at my Life

At what I am

And all the things

I've done.

I've given money

To Charity

I've helped in 

Charity shops

I've not told lies

I've not stolen a thing

Now I cannot stop.

My virtues show

Those around

How brilliant

I have been.

I've never watched

Anything bad

And nothing

Too extreme.

I've never taken

A person's life

I've never looked

At someone's spouse

I've never hurt

An animal

Not even a 

Tiny mouse

I go to church 

Each Sunday.

I sing with 

All my heart.

But then I 

Feel so sleepy

When the sermon

Starts

I don't know

Why I need God,

Because I'm 

Good, 

You see.

I think I'll

Go to heaven

On the works

I've done - 

That's me.

But heaven is the dwelling place

Of God and His Son

To gain entry there 

Isn't based on what YOU'VE done!

It doesn't matter if you're 'good' 

God sees inside your heart.
He sees your motives, lusts, desires

And who you really are.

He sees those times

When you have taken

That extra break in work.

Stealing time from your employer,

The duties that you shirk.

He sees those times when you covet things

And wish they could be yours.

He knows what you are thinking

And saying behind closed doors.

He sees the hatred in your heart,

The evil thoughts you think.

He knows about those tiny lies,

Whether they're white or black or pink.

Why do you think you'll get there

On the things that you've done?

When all those sins you deny

Have been cast upon His Son

Christ has done all the work:

Lived the life we cannot live!

He died a death we deserved

And our sins He does forgive.

You cannot buy your way to heaven.

There's nothing you can do,

'Cept rest and trust in Jesus Christ

He gave His life for YOU!

 

© Carolyn Davison

 Written 26th November 2012

 

 

If you were a member - remember

If you were a member

On the 5th November

In the year of 1605;

You would give thanks

For the letter

Which made things better

And praise God you were still alive

Today all the members

Should really remember

The year of 1605

Because as time goes by

Maybe some guy

Would hope that they were not alive

© Carolyn Davison

 Written 3rd/4th November 2012

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Innocent Lives

You looked into her innocent eyes

Lust burning in your heart,

She trusted you with everything

But you would tear her life apart!

Nothing would stop you,

All you cared about was desire,

You took the heart of an innocent child - 

Tore it up and burned it with fire.

Innocence gone, innocence lost,

Dreams and hopes all shattered,

A life is gone through your selfishness

Maybe life just never mattered...

To you

You saw her at the school dance

Pretty as a picture

Nothing would stop you as you went to her

Stooped down and tried to kiss her

She pulled away, your anger raged

Rejected, you took her outside,

Raped and battered you left her

Inside her something died

Innocence gone, innocence lost,

Dreams and hopes all shattered,

A life is gone through your selfishness

Maybe life just never mattered...

To you

You saw her in a white dress 
Walking down the aisle 
Nothing was as radiant
As her beautiful smile

As the years went by 
She was broken and bruised
You said she was your property:

Someone to abuse

Innocence gone, innocence lost,

Dreams and hopes all shattered,

A life is gone through your selfishness

Maybe life just never mattered...

To you



© Carolyn Davison 2012 (finished on 25/10/12) (edited 11/5/13)

Ode to messenger services

This is a work in progress...

Sitting on the 'puter

Wondering what to do

When a guy comes online

And says

"Hi, how are you?

You look just stunning

In your photo you look great

Wanna start chatting

And be my bestest mate?"

Now chatting to a woman 

Is different to a guy

All they wanna talk is sex

One has to wonder why

Can't they chat about the weather?

Can't they chat about the zoo?

Can't they chat about anything else?

Nothing else seems to do!

Lager lager

Lager Lager

Shining bright

In the pub

On Saturday night

Head of bubbles

White and foaming

Makes me happy

While I'm roaming

Drink too many

Then you'll see

What lager lager

Does to me

Walking straight

Is not super

Falling over

In a drunken stupour

Lager lager

Not so bright

Makes me puke

Throughout the night

Written 7/10/12 in about 5 minutes...

Where will it be?

Chorus

In the China Sea 

With Pakistanis,

Where will the next conflict be?

We've done Iraq,

Now Afghanistan.

Just because of the 

Sin of man,

Will China now attack Taiwan?

Where will the conflict be?

Where will it be?

Our leaders sit alone

At night or on their throne;

Wondering who they can attack today!

"Oh, will it be a town?

Something bigger to blow down,

We will send the poor soldiers on their way!"

Chorus

They wake up every night

Wondering who to fight;

The Taliban or Al Qaeda guys!

Do we shoot them from behind?

I wonder if they'd mind...

Oh boy, they're in for a huge surprise!

Chorus

With our soldiers on front line,

We're thinking things are fine!

Then they shot Osama in the head!

Everyone in the West

Thinks that this is best,

But some Muslims now want us dead

© Carolyn Davison 2012

altd. - original version in Ding Dong Merrily Eating Pies (ISBN: 978-0-9561573-3-1)

Guide Camp (or how to get rid of your captain)

Note: I wrote the original version of this poem when I was 13. I wrote for my Queen's Guide presentation evening. I have changed it around and hope it's better.

Once I went to Guide camp,

Oh! It was a shambles!

I hit my finger with a mallet,

And ripped my dress on brambles!

We tried to put our tents up,

But broke all the pegs.

Then we threw away our mallets - 

They hit our Captain's legs

We put up the fire screen,

But, alas, it got burned down!

Captain wasn't happy,

Her face was just a frown!

At last! It was lunch time -

A wasp was pestering me,

I swatted it with my dinner plate - 

It landed in Captain's tea!

After lunch, that afternoon,

There was a welly throwing comp.

I threw the Captain's welly

And it landed in a swamp!

Captain tried to retrieve it,

Out of the mud and muck - 

But she leaned too far over,

And in it, she was stuck!

We threw top her a big long rope,

She tied it round her belly!

We pulled and pulled - 

She came out

And so did her welly!

Later on we built rope bridges!

Mine was very long!

But when Captain tested it -

She found it not too strong!

By six o'clock our tents were up,

The pegs had arrived that day!

We thought it strange, while pitching them,

Captain stayed away!

That night we had a campfire sing son,

The flames were growing higher!

We really hadn't intended

To start a forest fire!

We called the local fire brigade;

With hoses they did come!

But by the time they had arrived

The damage had been done!

The fire had spread to the campsite,

All the tents burned to the ground!

We were so shocked and frightened

We didn't make a sound!

We had to go back home that night - 

We had nowhere else to go!

Ours spirits had been dampened, 

We were feeling very low!

It affected our poor Captain

More than we can say!

'Cause when we went to Guides again

She had moved away!

There is a tiny rumour,

That she may be in your town!

So if you join a unit

Never make your Captain frown!

She's there because she wants to make

You happy and well adjusted!

Just behave and be very keen

So that you can always be trusted!

© Carolyn Davison

from my book Larger Than Life on Rollerskates (ISBN:978-0-9561573-0-0)

NB the events in this poem are entirely ficticious!

'Twas the Night Before Work

'Twas the night before work

And sat on the chair

Was an employee

Blow-drying her hair

She had to look good

For the following day

Standing by the till

Where customers pay.

Suddenly she remembered

She'd forgotten to clean

Two of the fridges

What could this mean?

And then came to mind

The grocery zone

Oh no what a pain

Would the manager moan?

She started to stress

As she blow-dried her hair

Would her colleagues complain

And say - "That's not fair!

You've left us to tidy, 

To clean and to stack

Just get a grip

Or you'll get the sack!"

Stress building up

She began to cry

As she thought of the muffins 

And sweet apple pie!

The broken wine bottles

The spilled whipping cream

She was feeling, oh feeling

That this was extreme!

She thought of the manager

What would she say

When she went in

The following day?

"Pull yourself together

Stop being a prat!

You know what to do!"

Would she give her a slap?

As she thought of the next day

She was so full of tension

Would her contract

Have an extension?

She was oh so worried

That she wanted to scream

But suddenly she woke up

It was only a dream!

© Carolyn Davison (written 27th March 2012)

Please note any M&S managers and colleagues - this poem does not refer to any of  you :)