He sat there in the garden
Miffed as miffed can be,
Getting drenched with the pouring rain
And putting up with doggy wee!
"I've had enough!" he cried out,
"I'm as cold as cold can be!
I'm fed up with pouring rain
And lots of doggy wee!"
So he grabbed his little bundle,
Headed for the home,
That poor dejected ornament,
That little garden gnome!
He saw the lights inside,
And the tiny little elf,
Looking very smug
Sitting on his shelf!
The gnome was very determined
To knock him down a peg or two,
And maybe, just maybe
Flush him down the loo.
He had dreams of great conquests,
Of starting world war three.
No more rain, no more outdoors
And no more doggy wee!
He wanted that position,
On the honoured shelf!
He wanted to take the place
Of that smug and smarmy elf!
So he waltzed up to the back door,
Squeezed through the small cat flap.
He was ready and willing
To give that elf a slap.
Striding now with purpose,
Into the lounge he went,
Glaring at that little elf,
War was his intent!
The elf jumped down to greet him,
But got a massive smack,
Which sent him flying in the air,
Then landing on his back.
The elf recovered quickly,
And took a Kung-Fu stance
He did a few manoeuvres
Kicking Gnomey in the pants!
Not feeling too discouraged,
The gnome rallied around,
And with his big fat belly,
Knocked Elfie to the ground!
The belly was too much
For that skinny yanky elf,
He groaned and he gibbered
And climbed back to his shelf.
"If it's a war you're wanting,
If that's what you intended,
In good American tradition,
I'll join when it's nearly ended!"
He looked down at Gnomey -
Looking beaten, bashed and bruised!
Sounding very Victorian, shouted out
"I'm not amused!"
Gnomey poked his tongue out,
Blew a raspberry, very loud.
Puffed out his pudgy chest,
Feeling very proud!
So off went little Gnomey,
Smug as smug can be,
Into the owners kitchen,
To make a cup of tea!
© Carolyn Davison 13th December 2015
